The DeMar DeRozan Birthday Cake Says Everything You Could Possibly Say About DeMar DeRozan


I can't in good conscience call Toronto Raptors guard DeMar DeRozan's birthday cake the worst athlete birthday cake ever -- that designation goes to Stevie Johnson's ass cake forever and always -- but good God, is it marvelously awful.


Steve Johnson Eats Ass


I don't want to be presumptuous, but is it safe to assume that a guy who orders, proudly displays and probably eats a birthday cake shaped like an enormous black lady-ass probably doesn't have healthy relationships with women.


Nobody Wants Big Ben's Birthday Cake


Normally when I read something that starts off with “Stopped into a Pittsburgh-area Dairy Queen yesterday” it’s followed by a half-assed excuse for getting a handy from a fat chick in a Penguins jersey.

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