Google Premieres A Great Tablet — The Nexus 7 — And Lots Of Stuff You'll Never Use

06.29.12 6 years ago

Let us just say this: the Google Nexus 7 is a great tablet. Powerful, compact, cheap — it’s intended to be the Kindle Fire killer, but this is going to be the tablet that literally everybody is going to own. It’s not going to be an “iPad killer,” but Apple can not be happy about getting clowned in every respect by frickin’ ASUS. Similarly, the software overhauls they’ve debuted will transparently make using Google better.

That said, pretty much everything else Google debuted was kind of ridiculous and sad. If you wanted proof that Google is run by shy awkward nerds, it’s all right here.

The Nexus Q is a media streamer that costs three times as much as most media boxes, including ones built on Android. It also does half as much as them. Vizio, who makes cheap TVs, beat Google with its Co-Star, which has more streaming options and also plays games. And as a bonus, the Nexus Q has a “social jukebox” feature, meaning anybody at your party with an Android phone can throw any crappy song on the stereo they want at any time and you and your friends can spend ours trying to drag your song to the top of the queue.

Have these people been to a party? Have they ever experienced that awful moment when some jerk turns off the stereo because “I’m totally sick of this song, I have something better?” We do not want to give that guy tools, Google! We want to take tools away from him!

Google+ now has an events planner that will let you look at all the fun you’re having on Google+ in real time and then collect the photos afterward for you to vote on. Seriously.

And then there’s the sex repellent Google Glass. Yes, Google Glass is incredibly neat in theory, but let’s face it, wearable computing outside the workplace is for people who have just given up any hope of having anybody touch their genitals ever again.

Google’s failures are as important as its successes. They’ve done more for constructing self-driving cars than automakers ever have. They’ve developed a learning computer. God only knows what they’ve got brewing in X Lab. But every time Google IO rolls around it’s a painful reminder that these people are nerds with no social skills whatsoever. And God help us, they’re making products.

(Image courtesy zugaldia on Flickr)

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