Unfortunately few movie theaters have strict, no bullsh*t policies ala Austin’s Alamo Drafthouse theater when it comes to texting during movies. So often you’re left to your own devices when a jerkoff sitting in our vicinity is obsessively texting during a film.
In that regard, it appears as though writer Richard Rushfield has discovered the ultimate weapon in fighting back non-violently against this technological scourge: the iPad.
I was watching a movie and when the gentleman next to me started texting. He was not particularly young and looked like he belonged much more in a nightclub than a movie theater. I object to the enormous role the word “douche” now plays in our language, and yet, in this instance, I can find no fitting substitute so I will let the D word stand as an apt description.
Anyhow, the hour was late. The movie was so bad (more about that to come) that most of my will to fight had been bludgeoned out of me. Talking to this cretin to even tell him to knock it off would have taken more than I had to give.
But then I realized I had in my hands a bigger weapon than his pathetic little iPhone. When the iPad was first unveiled, they were mocked as just giant iPhones, but perhaps they were built to be such with this very moment in mind. Not saying a word, I turned my iPad on, opened the browser to a white screen and positioned it on my lap pointed directly at my neighbor’s face and away from mine. Thus, I was able to continue to enjoy (or not) the movie – with the screen pointed away from me – ignoring him while he glared at me in outrage and waved his hands around in protest. Finally as he seemed about to make a stink, it dawned on him that he was not in a position to complain about people having their screens open during the movie. I saw him visibly deflate and put his phone back in his pocket. Without a word, I then turned my iPad off and put it away.
I think we may have just found a new internet folk hero, you guys!