It’s safe to assume that most things Gwyneth Paltrow’s “lifestyle brand” Goop promotes under the topic of “health” is a rip-off. This is a woman who has an uncomfortable obsession with getting fans to put things up their hoohas that doctors clearly state do not belong there (or things that are at least engineered to go in there, but are absurdly, needlessly expensive.) But even by those standards, Goop’s Body Vibe stickers are something else.
Take out your finely tuned BS meters and see how much bovine manure is thrown off by the following paragraph:
The concept: Human bodies operate at an ideal energetic frequency, but everyday stresses and anxiety can throw off our internal balance, depleting our energy reserves and weakening our immune systems. Body Vibes stickers (made with the same conductive carbon material NASA uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut’s vitals during wear) come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances. While you’re wearing them—close to your heart, on your left shoulder or arm—they’ll fill in the deficiencies in your reserves, creating a calming effect, smoothing out both physical tension and anxiety. The founders, both aestheticians, also say they help clear skin by reducing inflammation and boosting cell turnover.
We just want to point out that while we respect the work that aestheticians do, appreciating the beauty in art uses a totally different skill set compared to scientific work, especially at $120 for a 24-pack of stickers. Everything in this paragraph is psuedoscientific crap, of course: While humans technically emit radiation at a frequency, you know it as “body heat.” If a sticker could quickly alter your body temperature significantly, that would not be technology we would learn about from the “stuff things up your junk” department of a lifestyle website. And while it’s true that carbon can conduct electricity, it’s just thin sheets of carbon, aka graphite. If the science of this held up at all, you could achieve the same effects these stickers are claiming by writing on yourself with a pencil.
But it’s that line about the “conductive carbon material” that caught Gizmodo’s attention. First of all, astronauts do have their vitals monitored, but they don’t use space-suit liners to do it. But surely they use carbon, somewhere, right?
Well, Gizmodo went to NASA and here’s what they had to say:
A representative from NASA’s spacewalk office told Gizmodo that they “do not have any conductive carbon material lining the spacesuits.” Spacesuits are actually made of synthetic polymers, spandex, and other materials that serve a purpose beyond making their wearer look like a resident of Nightmare Coachella.
Keep in mind, what we call a “space suit” is more like a little spacecraft you wear, and it needs to be flexible. Even NASA’s next generation of space suits are using composite materials, not carbon fiber.
It’s worth remembering that as funny as Goop’s sludge can be, it’s also dangerous. Not everybody has enough of a scientific or medical background to grasp that a $120 pack of stickers is just a load of snake-oil. Inflammation and fatigue, which these stickers promise to treat, are symptoms of a wide range of diseases, and people should be encouraged to go to a doctor and find the actual cause. Instead Goop is telling them to just buy stickers. This isn’t harmless and Goop and the whole pseudoscience industry need to either take responsibility or be held accountable, for what they sell.