Your Computer Will Soon Be Able To Tell You How Ugly You Are

Senior Contributor

We all remember the Wii Fit, where millions of Americans bought it and then got told by a game console “You’re fat!” Now, apparently, we need to give computers the ability to say “You look like you hit every branch of the ugly tree when you fell off of it, and then it fell on you!”

Researchers who obviously want people to break their computers have developed software that gauges how attractive you are, scientifically. Why? Mostly for the hell of it, if they’re being honest. Just for giggles, the software also measures traits like extroversion, dominance, and meanness. So, your computer can also tell you what a cowardly, vicious shut-in you are too. We predict lots of nerd tears over that one.

We’ve got a ten-spot, right now, that once this software comes onto the market, some shallow idiot will configure his or her computer so “it can only be used by hot people.” Isn’t technology wonderful?

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