AMC kicked off season three of The Walking Dead in truly spectacular fashion last night. I’ll be your guide through season three of The Walking Dead this year, and — DISCLAIMER — I have not read the graphic novels, so I will not be lording any future knowledge over your heads. I would also appreciate it immensely if those who have read the graphic novels would not spoil any upcoming events. If you really MUST discuss future turns from the novels, please use very BIG, very BOLD SPOILER warnings. Failure to do so will earn you the Jackass Badge.
With that, let’s get to it:
1. Carl Is No Longer The Worst — Puberty has been good to Carl. He didn’t get lost once over the entire episode. He’s got a silencer. He’s a good shot. The little sh*t is finally useful, although he really shouldn’t get any ideas about Beth. I don’t care how good her singing voice is.
2. Lori Is Still The Worst — A few months have passed since we last left off. The crew somehow survived the winter by running from place to place. In the meantime, Lori has become the least convincing pregnant woman in television history. What the hell did they put under her shirt?
The good news is, we may have a Baby Renesmee situation in our future: Will Lori’s baby be a Walker or a Crawler? Will the baby eat its way out of Lori? Will Lori turn walker and eat her own baby? These are exciting possibilities, people.
3. The Ricktocracy Is Working — Over the winter, and since the death of Shane, it seems that Rick has earned the begrudging respect of the rest of the crew by keeping them on the run, and by keeping them alive. His relationship with Lori, however, remains frosty. Rick can sure kill a zombie, though. This kill got three Hell Yeahs!