10 Things We Learned from Last Night's Episode of 'Sons Of Anarchy'

The second episode of season five of Sons of Anarchy didn’t give us the pit-in-your-stomach revulsion that last week’s gruesome episode gave us, but there was a lot of movement, some of it necessary, and some of it oddly timed. There was a wedding; no one died; and SAMCRO saw the return of a very crucial member. Let’s get to the highlights.

1. Fairytale Romance Is Still Alive — After recognizing the threat that Damon Pope poses to the families of all of SAMCRO, and Jax’s family in particular, Jax proposes to Tara in Nero’s brothel. For no reason other than to ensure that Gemma has something to complain about, they keep the news from everyone until the end of the episode, when they have the wedding in a brothel.

The wedding was sweet (I guess), but I’m not entirely sure what the point of the timing was. Does being married somehow protect Tara and the kids? I would imagine it would pose a bigger threat to them. Does Jax want to make sure that, if he’s shivved in prison, he dies an honest man? Or is this all about intestacy? It’s kind of a weird place in the series to tie the knot UNLESS Kurt Sutter is trying to create a more sympathetic character in Tara before he offs her. Remember, that’s exactly what happened to Rita in Dexter.

One more thing about the wedding: Chibs needs subtitles.

2. Tig’s Daughter Likes It Rough — After losing his daughter, Dawn, to Damon Pope’s immolation, Tig wanted to make damn sure his other daughter, Fawn, didn’t get caught in the Niner/SAMCRO crossfire. Fawn was not pleased with Tig to find out that he was responsible for Dawn’s death, but it’s clear she’s had animosity toward Tig for years, probably because he named her and her sister Dawn and Fawn. Jesus, what was he thinking? Anyway, Tig walked in on Fawn getting the rough stuff from her boyfriend, and because her boyfriend was black, he assumed he was a Niner. I guess Tig forgot we live in a post-Obama America. Thankfully, the boyfriend was forgiving, and decided to get Fawn out of town.

3. Nero Doesn’t Get Out A Lot — Nero took the SAMCRO fellas in to hide them from the cops, and in the process, he and Jax became buddies. Jax clearly likes Nero’s pimping angle, and it turns out, Nero is a pretty nice guy for a pimp. I like this Smits character. A lot. But he does have a dark criminal past, and that sh*t just doesn’t go away. What is Nero’s angle, anyway? Other than to be Gemma’s old man? Something is going on here. I just don’t know what it is yet.

4. Where the Hell is Joel McHale? — We’re on week two of Joel McHale watch. Still no sighting. I don’t think we’ve seen Ashley Tisdale yet, either, but I also doubt I’d recognize her standing next to any other blonde prostitute.

5. Charmed Life, Ain’t It? — Unser survived the home invasion, which apparently will be the C-plot this season. It forges a relationship between him and Eli Roosevelt, gives him some police work to do, and creates a narrative connection between Unser and Clay. Clay’s responsible for the home invasions, right? Are we assuming that at this point?

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6. What Is Up with the Documents in the Safe? — Assuming that it is Clay responsible for the invasion of his own home as a means at getting at the contents of his safe, what is the relevance? It’s a marriage certificate and the birth certificate of Thomas Wayne Teller, who was the brother of Jax’s who died of a family heart problem. Or did he? More secrets? Does anyone have any illuminating insights?

7. Stop With the Flared Nostrils, Damnit — At least three times an episode, Jax flares his nostrils and curls his lip. It drives me f**king crazy. There are other ways to express anger, dude.

8. These White Boys Are Resourceful — Damon Pope had limited screen time this week, but his plan to get SAMCRO in jail worked out in the end. I think Damon, however, has some begrudging respect for the Sons. I wonder if he’ll run with that thread?

9. How’d I Do? The big news of the night, really, was that Opie has returned to the fold, taking a pot-shot at Roosevelt to ensure he goes to jail with Jax, where he can protect him. BROMANCE! It was the talk Clay had with Opie — and the fact that Clay came clean (kind of) — that turned him. Opie also left his kids with Lyla and confessed to her that he doesn’t really love anyone (EXCEPT JAX). I suppose that establishes that Lyla and the kids are still in play, and therefore, in danger of Damon Pope. Also, Lyla is still in the lady-on-lady porn biz.

10. In Next Week’s Episode, Jax Will Flare His Nostrils Again — Ugh. Stop it, dude. There’s definitely going to be a scrape with the Niners, though.

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