Weeds (Showtime) — Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) contemplates getting an abortion; Alanis Morissette plays her gynecologist. Isn’t that ironic? Well, no. I guess not.
The Bachelorette (ABC) –In case you’re still watching this farce, that dickhead Wes is still on the show. Jillian and the final four bachelors get a free trip to Spain. Mmmm, I love authentic Mexican food.
Intervention (A&E) — Actual TV Guide description of this week’s new episode: “Drug addiction is the subject.” WHOA! That sounds totally different than every other episode!
Tour de France: Stage 3 (Vs.) — Ah, the Tour de France. Or as Versus execs call it, “The Stanley Cup of cycling.”
Raising the Bar (TNT) — If I ever got a TV show, it would be called “Emptying the Bar.”
The Late Show with David Letterman (CBS) — Hayden Panettiere is a guest; perhaps Dave can ask her about the upcoming lesbian story line on “Heroes.” Also: pretentious ass Conor Oberst will perform with whatever band he’s fronting right now.
The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien (NBC) — After a week off to film out-of-studio segments, Conan returns with guests Howie Mandel and… Alanis Morissette? WTF? Now is it ironic? A little? “Ironic” means “coincidental,” right?