Terrence the Gay T-Rex and Admiral Gorilla agree: vests are for A-holes
Million Dollar Listing (Bravo) — I’m featuring this only because I rarely make it a point to say how much I want to shave this jackass’s head. With scissors. Using a stabbing motion. To his face and neck.
Jon & Kate plus 8 (TLC) — Series finale. Apparently these people have a pair of twins and sextuplets, and now they’re getting divorced? Weird. Seems like something I would’ve heard about before now.
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — It’s the last night of performances this season. Only Donny Osmond, Mya, and Kelly Osborne remain after Joanna Krupa got voted off last week — even though Krupa got the second highest marks. Why? Because America is an ugly jealous bitch.
Find My Family (ABC) — Series premiere. Yahoo: “This new reality series, hosted by Tim Green and Lisa Joyner, helps people reunite with long-lost family members and loved ones.” Thumbs down to people tracking down their families. Your parents put you up for adoption for a reason, you know?
CSI: Miami (CBS) — WIN: A bunch of jellyfish get used as a murder weapon. “Looks like this guy got into a nasty… jam. You know, jellyfish? Jam? Aw, forget it. *puts on sunglasses* YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!