Dollhouse (Fox) — Series finale. Don’t worry, Joss Whedon will go on to make some other crappy show with a mediocre but hot lead actress that nerds will love and no one else will watch.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network) — Ahhhh, something to take the sting off the end of “Dollhouse” for grown men who own sci-fi figurines.
Caprica (Syfy) — Holy crap. Literally EVERY genre show is on Friday night. And look at this: “Smallville” is on, too. TV executives know exactly who can’t get dates.
The Shark Tank (ABC) — Features no actual sharks. Don’t bother.
Kitchen Nightmares (Fox) — You know what show with Gordon Ramsay I’d watch? One where he has to serve as the cook for “Bad Girls Club.” Those bitches would destroy him.
Spartacus (Starz) — Hey, I want to like this show. I really do. Gratuitous sex and nudity should be rewarded whenever possible (which is why I tip hookers). But the clip from tonight’s episode that I’ve embedded below has to be one of the stupidest, gayest fight scenes I’ve ever seen.