Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC) — Season 3 premiere. Yup, this trash still exists.
Modern Family (ABC) — Chazz Palmintieri guest stars. You know, this show is really excellent on its own. It doesn’t need to have a guest star every week.
Human Target (Fox) — I missed the premiere, and I feel like I should give this a chance, but it just looks like your typical formulaic action show. The star of “Keen Eddie” deserves better.
Man Vs. Wild (Discovery) — Bear’s in the Rocky Mountains, where he paraglides over the slopes and catches a moving train. Wait, is that one a them wild trains?
Biker Chicks: Leather and Lace (NatGeo) — An examination of women in outlaw motorcycle clubs. Somehow, I think the version in my head is sexier than the reality NatGeo will show.
Taboo (NatGeo) — TV Guide: “Morbidly obese people are profiled, including a 650-lb. Pennsylvania man who can no longer move on his own.” Man, NatGeo’s bringin’ the SEXY tonight.
Spectacle: Elvis Costello With… (Sundance) — Season premiere. First half of a two-night show with Bruce Springsteen. I guess this is good when a musician is Costello’s guest, but I caught an episode with Mary-Louise Parker and it was infuriating. He just talked about himself non-stop and then had MLP leave the stage when he performed a song. It was terrible. At least give us some lingering shots of Mary-Louise, you know?