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‘LOST’ CREATORS TO FANS: SUCK IT

By 03.05.10

A couple weeks ago, I posted a relatively even-handed article that stated my enjoyment of “Lost” while calling out die-hard fans of the show for taking it too seriously. I dared to say that the writers of “Lost” had created more mysteries than they ever planned to solve, and for my trouble I was called a douche and lectured about the care with which creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse had planned out the story.

Hey guess what?

Many of the questions posed during the run of “Lost” that have been keeping you up at night are never going to be answered on the show but will instead be tossed on the compost heap like an old turnip, because, the writers say, they have run out of time.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Hoo hoo hoooo… Oh that’s good. More, please:

And if you’re expecting they will nonetheless come through with some kind of post-finale TV special, online chat, tweet — anything! — to answer their rabid fans’ lingering head-scratchers, you need to think again. They have no intention of discussing the show after the finale airs on May 23, co-creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse blithely informed nearly 2,000 “Lost” fans attending the annual TV festival of the Paley Center for Media in Beverly Hills, Calif.

I admit: I’m fully tumescent. I’m using long, slow strokes. This is luxurious masturbation.

“There’s a lot of little questions that unfortunately we just don’t have time to answer in the amount of time that we have left,” co-creator Cuse told the uber-fans.

What with trying to keep all the intertwining story lines straight, it’s probably slipped his mind that the “time we have left” was determined years ago by Cuse and Lindelof themselves…

Back in May of 2007, ABC and the creative team behind the weedy tangle of a series announced the show would end in the spring of 2010. Nearly three years later, at the Paleyfest, Cuse said of any unresolved plot issues: “Ultimately, the way we look at it is that if the characters don’t care about that question, then we as storytellers don’t care about that question.”

Of course, what the characters do and do not care about is decided upon by . . . well, Cuse and Lindelof, come to think of it. Because the characters are, you know, not real people…

“We feel like the show should stand on its own,” Cuse said. “We’re actually not going to comment on the show after the finale. We want everybody to basically be able to continue the dialogue. . . . We don’t think it’s really appropriate for us to say, ‘Oh, here is the official definition for what we meant by any particular moment on the show.’ “

“Basically, we’ve always gotten off on creating mystery without any way to resolve it. And now that people want and expect those resolutions more than ever, we’re choosing to say it’s ‘inappropriate’ for us to discuss it so that we don’t have to tie up all the loose ends we created.”

Suck it, Losties. Your anger only makes me stronger.


TAGSABCCARLTON CUSEDAMON LINDELOFLost

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