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Charlie Sheen Is a Great Employee

By / 01.11.11

Charlie Sheen spent the weekend being Charlie Sheen, which is to say he was partying in Las Vegas with three porn stars, among them Bree Olson. Sheen was supposed to be on the set of “Two and a Half Men” at 10:00 a.m. Pacific time today, but according to TMZ he didn’t check out of his hotel until 9:00 a.m.

Sheen checked out of The Palms Hotel just before 9 AM and is taking a private jet back to L.A. We’re told there will be “discussions” today with Charlie about his well-being, after going on a bender in Vegas this weekend.

Oh, “discussions,” you say? Well that should clean his act right up. Charlie Sheen just needs a good talking to, then he’ll find God and stop single-handedly supporting Colombia’s drug trade.

And OF COURSE Sheen found Bree Olson. If there was a single porn star on the planet who’d be drawn to a violently misogynistic older man, it’s Bree Olson. Her Twitter account is all the evidence you’ll ever need that little girls should be raised with a father figure. She’s so turned on by being demeaned that her porn scenes don’t even turn me on, they just make me sad. And it takes a LOT for me to say that.

Seriously, don’t be surprised when Bree turns up choked to death.

Cheryl: Oh, Pamela, you read me like a poem.

Pam: Yeah? What’s the poem gonna be about when Cyril snaps and murders you?

Cheryl: I don’t know. World’s gushiest orgasm?


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