Spartacus: Gods of the Arena (Starz, Friday) — Season premiere. Welcome back, Lucy Lawless’s breasts (NSFW). We’ve missed you.
NFC/AFC Championships (Fox/CBS, Sunday) — Packers at Bears leads the day off, followed by Jets at Steelers. I desperately want to see a Jets-Packers Super Bowl, so bet everything you own on the Bears and Steelers.
The Onion News Network (IFC, Friday) — Series premiere. I can’t explain why, but this somehow looks better than “Onion SportsDome” on Comedy Central. Airing immediately after: the premiere of Fred Armisen’s Portlandia. The first episode is already posted online; I only watched a little bit of it, but it wasn’t bad. Not good enough to make me keep watching, but not bad.
Kourtney and Kim Take New York (E!, Sunday) — Series premiere. Khloe, of course, is staying home for her own safety.
Mean Girls 2 (ABC Family, Sunday) — WOOF. The entire cast from the first movie (save Tim Meadows) is gone, and Tina Fey didn’t approve of it being made. It’s so bad I’m almost surprised Lindsay Lohan isn’t in it.
Medium (CBS, Friday) — Sigh. I’ll never again be able to make my “Medium/Large” joke about Patricia Arquette. So sad. That was a good one.
Fringe (Fox, Friday) — It seems to be doing all right on Friday nights, so maybe its fans will stop sweating cancellation for a little while. Christopher Lloyd guest stars on tonight’s episode.
