https://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:mtv.com:608149
Jersey Shore (MTV) — Season premiere. Ah, welcome back, Guidos. I’ve somehow missed you, even if you’ve been in the gossip news cycle non-stop for the last 15 months. Anyway, this should be a step up from last season, as Snooki’s friend Deena Cortese would have to claim the Sudetenland and start exterminating Jews to be worse than Angelina.
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) — I saw some previews for this episode — about a mass shooting on a college campus that echoes the mass shooting from last season’s finale — while watching “Modern Family” last night. What a horrible, horrible piece of sh*t show this is. I’ve got a mass shooting/”Grey’s Anatomy” joke I want to tell here, but I don’t want any law enforcement agencies to take it as a threat. Better to catch them off guard, I always say. Whoops, ignore that last sentence.
Wipeout (ABC) — Winter premiere. It’s people falling off bouncy obstacles, but in the winter! Actually, I could get into this if the obstacle were over icy rivers with swift currents.
Ace of Cakes (Food Network) — Season premiere. Wait, I thought this series ended? Was that some other cake show? I’m confused. But don’t bother explaining it to me, because I also don’t care.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo) — Lots of people who watch this show — which is to say, women — say that this is the best “Real Housewives” yet. I’d respond to that by saying the bar couldn’t be much lower.
