Two and a Half Men (CBS) — It’s a repeat, but who cares? I’m jonesing for more of the most dangerous drug on the planet: Charlie Sheen. In tonight’s episode, Alan (Jon Cryer) pretends to be Charlie while Charlie is away getting cosmetic surgery. If you want to REALLY enjoy the episode, count how many lines of dialogue Sheen has, then divide two million by that number to figure out how many dollars he got paid for every line. Then go back to work tomorrow like the foolish troll you are.
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel) — Season premiere. To begin the seventh season, Bourdain goes to Haiti, where there’s good news! “Devastated by disease and natural disasters, the Haitian locals still cook up a delicious native cuisine.” (Yahoo TV)
American Experience (PBS) — Tonight’s subject is the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire of 1911, which is one of my favorite deadly accidents in American history (it ranks just behind the Boston Molasses Disaster, AKA the Boston Molassacre). The fire killed 146 garment workers who were locked in the building because the employers didn’t want anyone leaving early. Cheerful stuff. To take the edge off that sad story, here’s an animated GIF of a kitty sewing. Now imagine that kitty TRAPPED AND CONSUMED BY FLAMES.
Bethenny Ever After (Bravo) — Season premiere. Bethenny Frankel is back, and this time she’s not pregnant. I suppose that’s an upgrade, but just barely.
The Bachelor (ABC) — Just three women remain, and tonight Brad goes with them to South Africa, where he will talk vaguely about his “journey” before asking them into the Fantasy Suite for some network-sanctioned fornication.
90210 (CW) — Snoop Dogg guest stars, because it’s his turn to have less street cred in his ongoing battle with Ice Cube.
