Sad news, everybody: the Ohio man who didn’t laeve his chair for two years has passed away. This comes as a bit of a shock to me, but it turns out that having your skin fused to a chair with feces while maggots eat your already-dead flesh are actually NOT signs of a healthy lifestyle. Huh. I guess I’ll get up to use the bathroom from now on.
Police said the 43-year-old man was morbidly obese and had not moved from his recliner in two years.
When rescuers arrived at the home on Washington Street Sunday, they had to first cut him out of the chair and then cut a hole in an outside wall to get him out of the house.
He was taken to the hospital where he remained for a few days… No word on whether the adults living with him will face charges. [WTOV9]
The loss of human life is supposed to be a somber affair, and maybe I’d take this a little more seriously if this guy had lived his life as an actual human being and not some perverse manifestation of futuristic torpor. Really, his life ended two years ago when he decided to live in his own excrement. Peace out, fatty. May you smell better in death than you did in life.
I want more like this!
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