Saturday Night Live (NBC) — Zach Galifianakis hosts with musical guest Jessie J. Above is Jessie J’s video for “Do It Like a Dude,” an excruciating aural gang rape of autotune, stupid lyrics, and something that is neither singing nor rapping. It has been viewed over 22 million times on YouTube, presumably in interrogation rooms. Inspired by how awful that song is, I thought I’d put it up against two other evil pieces of music: “Archer’s” 57-minute pirate virus song and Rebecca Black’s “Friday” (video below, via TDW). WHO YA GOT? Don’t sleep on “Friday” — it may be the worst song ever written. Future generations of scientists will use it to prove God doesn’t exist.
Celebrity Apprentice (NBC, Sunday) — BUSEY.
Sister Wives (TLC, Sunday) — Season premiere. Yay, polygamy! Isn’t their subjugation of women just so quaint and charming?
The Defenders (CBS, Friday) — Season finale. I’m fine with this show getting renewed as long as John Belushi falls down a mine shaft. Or a well. Something dark and inaccessible.
Battle of Los Angeles (Syfy, Saturday) — Syfy is airing this aliens-versus-LA original movie the same weekend that Battle: Los Angeles opens in theaters, presumably hoping that someone is dumb enough to confuse the two. But the joke’s on Syfy, because NO ONE wants to see Battle: Los Angeles. (In fairness, Will Leitch hated it, which means it’s probably a pretty good action movie.)
NCAA Tournament Selection Show (CBS, Sunday) — I can never quite understand why people want to watch the slow, drawn-out process of analysts revealing the field. I’d rather just watch porn for an hour and then get a bracket online. Much better use of my time.