Justified (FX) – I want to be very clear about something. If I ever happen across the actor who played the bank robber in last week’s episode who kicked my precious Winona in the face, I will tear him limb from limb. You may argue he was just playing the role as written, and may very well be a nice man with a good heart. I don’t care. He knew what he signed on for when he took the part.
Modern Family (ABC) – In tonight’s episode, Luke befriends a curmudgeonly neighbor, played by Philip Baker Hall. I’m not the biggest “Seinfeld” fan in the world, but Hall’s turn as Mr. Bookman, the library cop, resulted in one of my favorite television scenes ever. Ha, “pee pees and wee wees.”
American Idol (FOX) – Tonight, the finalists perform Motown songs. This infuriates me.
American Greed (CNBC) – I watched a bunch of these one night. It’s amazing how many people get caught by leaving files out/open that are essentially labeled “Crimes I am currently committing.” The nice part is that now I’m like 85% sure I could run an incredible Ponzi scheme. Thanks, CNBC!
Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files (Syfy) – Spoiler alert: faked. All of them. Faked by giant fakers who faked their way through Fakeyfaketown State University, where they got their fake degree in Fakeology. Except for Ouija boards. I’m pretty sure those are real. My brother’s friend’s cousin’s dad told him so. But he also went to Fakeyfaketown State, so take that with a grain of salt.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jake Gyllenhaal on Kimmel; Ben Stiller, Dario Franchitti, and The Strokes on Letterman; Vanessa Hudgens (who, for the record, seems like a blast to hang out with) and “Real World” alum/WWE Champ The Miz on Conan; Jim Parsons on Ferguson; Trey Parker and Matt Stone on Fallon (also, Bootsy Collins jams with The Roots); and Carol Burnett on Leno. Timely, Jay. Full listings at TV Squad.