NCAA Final (CBS) — I’m conflicted: I generally prefer the underdog in sports, but I hate Indiana. But then again, I also hate Connecticut. But I like huskies more than bulldogs (I had a Siberian growing up). So really, what it comes down to is that I don’t particularly care. But if Jim Nantz says “The Butler did it!,” so help me God, I won’t rest until he’s buried in a shallow grave. Anything to get Gus Johnson the gig as CBS’s lead announcer.
Harry’s Law (NBC) — Season finale. Miraculously, this seems to be the first hour-long drama from NBC in ages that’s actually getting decent ratings. The American populace just loves its mediocrity, easy-to-follow plot lines, and heavy-handed morality.
Kate Plus 8 (TLC) — Oh wow. TLC is still making these, apparently. I guess ol’ Bitchface takes her litter to Australia for new episodes.
WWE Tough Enough (USA) — Season premiere. It’s like “The Ultimate Fighter,” but for guys who cut themselves instead of actually fighting. Huh, I’d never thought of pro wrestling as emo before. (By the way, if you’re looking for Wrestlemania coverage, check out With Leather.)
Relapse (A&E) — Series premiere. It’s basically “Intervention,” but with people who’ve already been through rehab. Prediction: everybody dies by overdosing, but only after several more years of wasting the love and support of their families.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Russell Brand and the big Kardashian on Conan; Billy Crystal on “The Daily Show”; Tracy Morgan and Neve Campbell (!) on Leno; Katie Holmes, Dana Delaney, and Bad Religion on Kimmel; Rainn Wilson and Panic! at the Disco on Lopez; the awesome Michell Monaghan on Ferguson; James Franco and Mari Menounos on Fallon; and Patton Oswalt on Carson Daly. Holy crap! I’ve never highlighted anyone on Carson Daly before. Full listings here.
