There’s a never-ending — and problematic — discussion about the “best show on television.” In my mind, the best television show is the one that’s superior to all others in terms of narrative arc, character development, writing, cinematography, acting, originality, and so on. You know: the best. However, a lot of critics seem to think the “best” means “my favorite,” which is the only possible excuse for the egregious, putrid, and moronic claims you’re about to read.
Because there are certain shows that are okay to call the best: “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad,” certainly. “Friday Night Lights” and “Parks and Recreation,” sure, those aren’t unreasonable opinions. “Community” and “Louie”? Totally defensible. Everyone, of course, is entitled to their opinion—but not if they claim that “Chuck” is better than “Justified.” There’s a line. There are certain shows — some good, some truly awful — that various critics and bloggers have deemed to be the Best Show on Television. On the following pages are ten of the worst selections, with excerpted quotes to damn them.
Kristi Gustafson (Times Union) for “Parenthood”
Subject Title: “The best show on television”
I like my TV. You know that. Thing is, I am not a channel-surfer and do not turn on the tele just to see what’s on. Instead, I have my prime time “must sees,” including “Desperate Housewives,” “90210,” “HIMYM,” “One Tree Hill,” “Private Practice” and “Parenthood.” (I also love “House Hunters”—International and otherwise, “Flip This House,” “Giuliana & Bill,” “The View” and the fourth hour of the “Today Show” with Hoda and Kathie Lee). But, out of that list, my all-time, absolute favorite is “Parenthood.” I love this show. Love it.
Disclosure: I used to intern for the Times Union, located in Albany, NY (I finished 513 out of 551 in their Race for Literacy charity marathon!). Disclosure: I enjoy “Parenthood,” particularly the work of Peter Krause and Lauren Graham. Disclosure: nothing Gustafson wrote in her article about “Parenthood” should be taken seriously after she included “Desperate Housewives” as one of her “must sees.”
Matt Singer (IFC) for “The Bachelor”
Subject Title: “The Bachelor” is the Worst and Best Show On Television
“The Bachelor” is more than just a television show. It is the television show, the show that exemplifies all that is terrible and wonderful about our celebrity-obsessed culture…the show is all contradictions, the best and worst show on television all at once, and all the things that make it a crime against humanity are the same things that make it essential viewing.
I hate the “so bad it’s great” argument. It makes no sense—you wouldn’t say Shane MacGowan is sexy because he’s so ugly…or WOULD YOU? No, you wouldn’t. And the “I better watch the downfall of culture!” line of reasoning is no better. The only thing that pisses me off more than reality shows? People who ironically watch reality shows because they’re so bad.
Hulu Users for “Chuck”
Subject Title: Announcing the Best in Show Winner: “Chuck”
We challenged you to vote for the best show on TV today with the help of television critic Alan Sepinwall, Senior Editor for the entertainment site HitFix. While Alan got a five percent voice in which shows would advance in each tournament-style round, it was ultimately up to you, the fans, to make the call in Hulu’s Best in Show. After 5 million votes and some heated competition—rabid “Supernatural” fans rallied around their beloved CW series, only to see it eliminated in week two; “Dexter” surprised many of us by slashing through “Glee” with ease that week, as well—there was room for just one winner: “Chuck.”
This is why we can’t have nice things, America. I get cult devotion (I’m a “Buffy” fan after all), but I’d never go so far as to claim, say, “Doctor Who” is better than “Mad Men.” Because it’s not. You know what “Doctor Who” is better than? “Chuck.” Know what else is better than “Chuck”? At least other 30 shows. “Chuck” is the Pink Floyd of television: I hate it because fans love it so much. Stupid Subway.
Terron R. Moore (Ology) for “Workaholics”
Subject Title: “Workaholics” Recap: “In The Line Of Getting Fired”
But let’s face it, you’re not here for a synopsis. Except maybe you are, but what else can I say: I love this sh*t. Every episode of it. So we’re here to say goodbye to the best show on TV—until next season, anyway.
Has there ever been a show that could be considered the best on TV after only one season? “Twin Peaks,” maybe? Or possibly “Freaks and Geeks.” Point is, while “Workaholics” was surprisingly funny, and I’m looking forward to its 10-episode second season, it was not the best thing on TV and unless they somehow get Mel Brooks, George Meyers, and Bob Odenkirk to write for them, it probably won’t ever be.
Kelly Carroll (NoMad Blogger) for “Pretty Little Liars”
Subject Title: “Pretty Little Liars” Might be the Best Show on Television
So I’ve been getting a lot of crap for watching “Pretty Little Liars” [Ed. Note: Because it sucks], and my only supporter so far has been Audrey Marks. Because she gets it. But if you watch one minute of this show, I guarantee that it will suck you in. It makes absolutely no sense, everyone is creepy, and it’s basically the morbid version of “Gossip Girl,” but I seriously cannot get enough.
God I hate Audrey Marks, whoever she is.
Matt Patterson (Big Hollywood) for “Wipeout”
Subject Title: Is “Wipeout” the Best Show on Television?
If you haven’t seen ABC’s breakout hit “Wipeout,” then, well, I just feel sorry for you. You may instead have been watching critically acclaimed, scripted dramas like “Big Love,” or award winning educational programming on Discovery or National Geographic. Hell, you may have been reading a book or spending quality time with loved ones. If so, you have been wasting your time.
The fact that Patterson’s go-to great show is “Big Love” says everything you need to know about the accuracy of his tastes.
Trey Burley (Daddy Mojo) for “No Ordinary Family”
Subject Title: Is “No Ordinary Family” the best show on television?
I came for the “super” and stayed for the stories. Many people draw parallels to this show and “Heroes,” which I found a bit too confusing and didn’t care for. “No Ordinary Family” is good, entertaining television that doesn’t try to be too much. If I’m super slammed with work, I can miss watching a week and not be too lost at the next episode.
The show really didn’t try to do too much: it was canceled in May.
Alex Knapp (MANzine) for “Burn Notice”
Subject Title: “Burn Notice”: Best Show on Television
“Burn Notice” had one feature that guaranteed that I would sit and watch the pilot: it co-starred Bruce Campbell. I’m a Campbell fan from way back, and I’ve seen every TV series he’s ever had canceled. I love “The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.” and the little seen but awesome “Jack of All Trades.” So you better believe I was there to watch. And I’m glad I was, because as it turns out, “Burn Notice” is the best show on TV today.
I’ve made my unpopular feelings for this show be known before, so here’s a fun fact instead: in Hungary, “Burn Notice” is translated to “Minden lében négy kanál,” which literally means “Four Spoons in All Liquids.” The only awkward-but-awesome foreign title that beats that: in the Czech Republic, it’s called “Status: Ineligible,” the best Troy McClure movie never made.
Brian Van Nieuwenhoven (BlackBook) for “Curb Your Enthusiasm”
Subject Title: Curb Your Enthusiasm for Anything Else: Larry David’s Best Show on TV
“Curb Your Enthusiasm” is the best show on television that you’re not talking about. Halfway through its landmark seventh season, the show’s dark humor is reaching surprising heights, even though we should expect exactly that from Mr. David. The storied co-creator of Seinfeld has already received praise for what many have summarized as the HBO version of “Seinfeld”—used as both praise and as a dismissive remark of both shows and their brand of comedy.
I include this entry not because “Curb” isn’t a great show (it is), but “the best show on television that you’re not talking about”? Just, no. “Curb” has been on since 2000, so clearly someone’s been talking about it (and watching and buying the DVDs and etc.). Also, this article was written during the “Seinfeld” reunion season, when the show had its highest ratings in years, making Van Nieuwenhoven’s claim as idiotic as someone now saying, “I think The Hangover Part II is going to be a sleeper hit.”
Mike Ryan (Vanity Fair) for “The Killing”
Subject Title: Why You Should Just Say “No” to AMC’s Addictive “The Killing”
After the third episode, I had already decided that I wanted to write something to the effect of “The Killing” is the Best Show You’re Probably Not Watching. Now, after seven episodes, my stance has changed to “The Killing” is the Best Show on Television.
“And now after nine episodes, I believe the Golden Globes should be renamed the Golden Forbes, after Michelle’s daring performance this season. But after eleven episodes, it’s completely clear to me that those blank stares from Agent Holden symbolize the weariness of our nation’s police detectives in a way more subtle than that ‘Wire’ show ever accomplished. And finally, after thirteen, I have only one thing to say: GREATEST. FINALE. EVER.”
Bonus ridiculous quote:
The best part about The Killing is that we learn about each and every one of these characters through their somewhat quirky interactions with other characters, not by having each one explain to the audience who they are and what their motivations are through long monologues like some other popular shows on the air right now tend to do (cough, cough, Game of Thrones, cough).
And that’s why no show in the middle of its first season should be called “the best show on television.” Because it makes you look like an idiot.