My first and only reaction to this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue was to follow then-18-year-old (now 19!) Rookie of the Year Kate Upton on Twitter. Kate’s Twitter feed was awesome: a young model’s travelogue punctuated with self-portraits of her ample décolletage, which is the French word I use to sound highbrow when I’m talking about huge, beautiful tits.
Unfortunately, Kate signed some kind of endorsement with Sobe and her tweets became all about fruity drinks endorsed by dancing lizards. Gone were the pictures of cleavage and wedding bikinis. It was tough to keep following her, because I don’t want to drink her goddam sugar water. As the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Tits or GTFO.”
ANYWAY, the Sobe thing has finally paid off, as Kate’s new commercial hit YouTube today (video next page, 1080p screenshots after). And commercial news is TV news, and no TV news is more important than TV news about Kate Upton. No joke, this is probably the most important thing I’ve ever written.