Top Chef: Texas (Bravo) — Season premiere. Texas: home of the country’s third-best kind of barbecue! We start out with 29 chefs tonight but finish with a massive cut that narrows the field to 16. (chart via BWE)
South Park (Comedy Central) — Cartman represents the 1% in this Occupy Wall Street-themed episode.
Modern Family (ABC) — Chazz Palmintieri, Jennifer Tilly, and Leslie Mann all guest star. This show has officially been surpassed by “Happy Endings” as my go-to source for mid-week laughs.
The X Factor (Fox) — Figured I’d include this since it got renewed for a second season today. Oh, phew! I don’t want to live in a world that doesn’t have Simon Cowell on TV.
American Horror Story (FX) — Part 2 of the Halloween episode that began last week. According to the buzz, last week laid the groundwork for some cool reveals tonight.
Steve Jobs — One Last Thing (PBS) — I like the title of this. It makes me imagine Steve Jobs as Columbo.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Condoleeza Rice and Amy Sedaris on Letterman; Taylor Lautner and Martha Stewart on Leno; Ellen DeGeneres and Gabourey Sidibe on Kimmel; Ted Danson on Ferguson; Billy Bob Thornton and Taraji P. Henson on Fallon; and Matthew Broderick and Paul Simon on Conan.