Justified (FX) - Carla Gugino is on tonight's episode. After the events of last week, please be advised that the Boyd Crowder Hair Threat Level has been temporarily upgraded from Unruly to Partial Electrocution. (NOTE: I have attached six more promo shots of Carla Gugino's appearance to this post. You are all quite welcome.)
State of the Union Address (Every channel) - Presidents always invite inspirational figures or people who overcame adversity and have them sit up in the box with the First Lady. If I was president, I would put a koala in a little tiny tuxedo up there. YOUR MOVE, POLITICAL OPPONENTS.
Southland (TNT) - Tonight's episode features a guest spot by Marla Gibbs, who played Florence on "The Jeffersons." This is as good a reason as any to link to this video of Sherman Hemsley dancing.
Chopped (Food Network) - Four previous runners-up have to incorporate root beer schnapps and sweetbreads into their dishes. FUN FACT: I am typing this sentence while making my icky face.
White Collar (USA) - Yesterday was Tiffani Thiessen's birthday. I can't believe Uproxx made me work. WHAT DO WE WANT? Holidays based on the birthdays of celebrities we used to have crushes on! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? Preferably by Britney Spears' birthday in early December!
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Elizabeth Banks and Ben McKenzie (Ryan from "The O.C.") on Kimmel, and Sam Worthington and a whip-cracking champion named Adam Winrich on Conan. Everyone else is in repeats, but Tina Fey is on Letterman, and it's the episode of Ferguson that they taped in Paris, if you're so inclined.