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What’s On Tonight: More Disappointed Faces, Including Mine

By / 01.09.12

The Bachelor (ABC) – My “Recently Viewed” on IMDb includes “The Bachelor,” “Toddlers & Tiaras,” Gary Busey, Tarzan the Ape Man, and Jake Lloyd, of The Phantom Menace “fame.” Honestly, “The Bachelor” is the one I feel the most shameful about. (Banner pic courtesy of Forever Alone.)

Castle (ABC) – Do you ever feel guilty about not watching a show, even though an actor or actress you love from another role is the star of it? That’s how I am with “Castle,” which I’ve never seen an entire episode of, because Mal Reynolds, from “Firefly,” is one of my favorite TV characters. Tonight…won’t be the night I tune in, though. Blazing Saddles is on.

BCS Championship Game: Alabama vs. LSU (ESPN) – After tonight, we can stop pretending to care about college football and solely focus our attention on the only pigskin that matters: ARENA FOOTBALL. Are you as excited about the March 9th season-opening clash between the Pittsburgh Power (featuring Ike Taylor, probably) and Orlando Predators as I am? RIP Albany Firebirds.

Mobster Confessions (Discovery) – The episode description reads, “A New York street thug becomes entranced by the power of the Gambino crime family, until they turn on him.” Just once, I want that sentence to end with, “…until they turn on him, to give him some puppies and candy.”

Caged (MTV) – Props to Clinton from Badtvblog for the pic after the jump. “Caged,” a reality show about a bunch of Louisiana kids fighting in, well, cages, could really use an appearance from Castor Troy himself. Or at the very least, the show’s dialogue should be nothing but quotes from Nicholas Cage movies. “PUNCHING ME WON’T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY.”

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Mark Wahlberg, Heather Morris, and Snow Patrol on Letterman; Janet Jackson (washed up musician – check), Larry the Cable Guy (terrible comedian – check), and Eli Young Band (awful band –check, and mate) on Leno; C-Tates, Ben Flajnik, and Uh Huh Her (that sounds like the worst thing ever) on Kimmel; Howie Mandel and Randy Houser on Ferguson; Mark Wahlberg (again…), Napoleon Dynamite (the cast, I think?), and Surfer Blood on Fallon; David Cross, Seth Green, and Gavin DeGraw on Conan; George Lucas on Stewart; and Melissa Harris-Perry on Colbert.


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