Jersey Shore (MTV) – Please, don’t even watch this ironically. Forgot I mentioned it. Just pretend that it’s 1991, and MTV’s airing an episode of “Yo! MTV Raps.” I expect big things from the Public Enemies.
Project Runway All Stars (Lifetime) – They used to film “Project Runway” at my college. True story.
American Stuffers (Animal Planet) – Who needs shows about living, breathing, not dead animals when you can instead watch a series about people stuffing not living, not breathing, definitely dead animals? You can’t exactly put a live squirrel on the mantle, can you?
The Vampire Diaries (The CW) – It’s not as tame as Twilight (no religious subtext), but it’s not quite as sexxxy as “True Blood” (no Deborah Ann Woll); it exists in some CW melodramatic in-between, where the vampires don’t sparkle OR orgy. What’s the point?
Hollywood’s 2012 Diet Secret Revealed, Lose 30 Plus Lbs (Bravo) – You’ll have to stay up until 4:00 a.m. to know the secret, but I bet it’s worth it. Unless the secret is: lose 30 pounds. In which case, uh duh.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Tina Fey, Jeremy Irvine, and the Barr Brothers (I imagine two brothers dressed up as Roseanne – am I right?) on Letterman; Michelle Williams, Josh Lucas, and Chris Cornell on Leno; Tracy Morgan, Chris Paul, and tUnE-yArDs on Kimmel; Tom Selleck and Daniela Ruah on Ferguson; Rachel Maddow, Fred Armisen, and Sharon Van Etten on Fallon; Mindy Kaling, Johnny Galecki, and Tom Papa on Conan; Craig Shirley on Stewart; and Steve Case on Colbert.