Rob (CBS) – Series premiere. The picture above, that’s Rob Schneider with his wife, Patricia Azarcoya Arce. So, between that and the mere existence of “Rob” – USA Today review headline: “What’s bad about “Rob”? The whole enchilada” – we now have Reasons #587 and #588 of “Why We Hate Rob Schneider.”
30 Rock (NBC) – Season premiere. Yeah, I totally should have included the Lemon Party. That, and Fresh-Ass: Based on the Novel Tush by Ass-Phire. I’m so happy this show’s back.
The Office (NBC) – Tonight’s episode, “Trivia,” sounds like it recycles two plots: 1) Andy tries to get everyone to double their sales, which he already tried to do in “The Incentive,” and it wasn’t funny; and 2) The summary closely resembles “The Quiz” from the original UK “Office.” I swear, if Andy says,” Exsqueeze me,” I’m DONE.
Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory (HBO) – Third and maybe final documentary in the “Paradise Lost” series, about the wrongful conviction, imprisonment, and eventual release of the West Memphis Three. The first two are excellent, and there’s no reason to think “Purgatory” won’t be as good. With music from Metallica!
The Finder (FOX) – Series premiere, about a former-military policeman (played by Geoff Stults) from Florida who can find anything. Shows set in Florida suck. More importantly, it’s Michael Clarke Duncan’s triumphant return to TV; it’s been too long since he played “Inmate” on “The Jamie Foxx Show.”
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: John McCain and Johnny Winter on Letterman; Gerard Butler, Betty White, and Ledisi on Leno; Meryl Streep, Stephen Merchant, and Kina Grannis on Kimmel; Hugh Laurie on Ferguson; Daniel Radcliffe, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Common on Fallon; Ricky Gervais, Wladimir Klitschko, and James Durbin on Conan; Dolly Parton on Stewart; and Mike “Not Steve” Allen on Colbert.
After the jump, a cute “Parks and Recreation” skit that aired during last night’s People’s Choice Awards. It’s got Ron and Ann growing beards and Andy and April showing off their impressive sword-swallowing skills.