As the season three premiere of “Eastbound and Down” grows nearer (February 19th), the cult of Kenny Powers continues to grow. Just this week, a high-school teacher in Tennessee resigned (via Buzzfeed), and at least 10 students were given out-of-school suspensions for playing a Kenny-Powers inspired game called “Take It Like A Man.” Basically, the game involves students taking it to the next level of sh*t and punching each other as hard as they can. One kid got a busted lip. To be fair, however, “Take It Like a Man” is a much better school-yard game than rape tag.
After inspiring the brave acts of a now disgraced teacher, however, Kenny Powers also took to Grantland in an effort to inspire even more greatness out of Tim Tebow, with whom Kenny Powers compares himself, noting that both Powers and Tebow have God on their sides.
There are those who simply don’t like the idea of a man being favored by God. They feel his special relationship with Jesus diminishes their own somehow. If Jesus loves the Gifted Young Athlete, what does he think of the rest of us? Bunch of a**holes?
So the haters multiply, and soon the resentment reaches a boiling point. And that’s when the torches and pitchforks and long knives come out. Yes, the world is given a savior but they choose to crucify him instead. Who’d a thunk it? The same old fuckin’ story.
Maybe that’s why Jesus likes us so much to begin with. He sees a little of himself in there.
You see, Gifted Young Athlete, people look at us and they see all they don’t have. It’s like, “homeboy’s over there gettin’ ‘er done! And Jesus loves him too! F*ck that guy.”
But can you really blame them? Wouldn’t you be pissed? Jesus helps us win at sports games, yet he’s nowhere to be found when poor people need important medicine for their kid’s infection, or when they’re late on a mortgage payment. Think about it. There are folks in Africa who get AIDS without even being gay. Yet here Jesus is, helping me & Tebow out in sports, just because we’re maybe a little bit cooler in his eyes. It’s a raw deal, plain and simple. Even though he’s hooking me up, I still see it’s kind of a c*cks*cker move on Jesus’s part.
Now that the d*ckhead nobody teacher from Tennessee is famous, and Tim Tebow will probably carry the Denver Broncos 17 consecutive Super Bowl wins, what does Powers get out of the deal? Whatever it is, it’s not enough. GET HIM PAID, b*tch. You think it’s easy being the most inspiring man in America?
