Happy Endings/Modern Family (ABC) – Last week’s episode of “Happy Endings” was really, really good. I could watch Adam Pally act like a bear for a month, only taking periodic breaks to look at the GIF of Sofia Vergara firing a gun that I’ve posted after the jump. See how I worked in both shows there? Don’t try this at home, kids. I’m a professional.
Whitney/Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC) – Honestly, I feel a little weird about trashing these shows even though I’ve barely watched them. I’m very sure I won’t enjoy them because I don’t enjoy either woman’s style of comedy, but I’m sure someone likes these shows. Just stay away from me, creeps.
One Tree Hill (CW) – I follow TV pretty closely, but if you had told me this show got canceled in 2007, I wouldn’t have questioned you for a second. Nine years, people. This show has been on for nine years.
American Idol (FOX) – The ladies are singing tonight. I haven’t watched any of this season because ew, but I’d be willing to plop down a $20 that all of the female contestants left have better singing voices than either of the show’s female judges. (This is a hilarious joke referencing the fact that Steven Tyler appears to dress like a lady sometimes. You are welcome for the explanation.)
Psych (USA) – Midseason premiere. Sometimes I watch this show just to see the faces Dule Hill’s character makes. He’s great. The other guy? Notsomuch.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Ed Helms and Leslie Bibb on Kimmel; Neil Patrick Harris and Taylor Kitsch on Letterman; Tom Lennon on Ferguson; John McCain and Elizabeth Olsen on Leno; Danny DeVito and Larry the Cable Guy on Fallon; and Khloe Kardashian and a BASE jumper bro on Conan.