Over the weekend, a report surfaced that Maggie Smith would be leaving “Downton Abbey” at the end of the third season. According to an anonymous source, she had asked the writers to bring her arc to an end so she could focus on doing more theater and film work, which would have been disastrous for the show because (a) her dismissive put-downs and insults are one of the highlights of the show, and (b) hats (see above). Luckily, the report was quickly refuted by the studio, so it looks like we’ll only be losing one of television’s most prodigious barb-slingers this year. (Hypothesis: Maggie Smith’s character, Lady Violet, is just Fancy Kenny Powers. Discuss.)
In conclusion, I would just like to point out that the URL for the original Daily Mail report ends with “Downton-Abbey-Dame-Maggie-Smith-poised-end-acid-reign-series,” which I only bring up because there should really be a TV show or movie titled “Acid Reign.” I’m thinking maybe a violent drama set in the Middle Ages about peasants revolting against a tyrannical king, or a goofy “Weeds”-style comedy about a group of bumbling college friends who rise to power in the drug game after accidentally coming across a large amount of LSD. If any Hollywood producers are reading this, I’m available to write and direct either program, so please contact me if you are interested.
[hands you business card]
[business card is a Dunkin Donuts coupon with my email address written on it in crayon]
I look forward to hearing from you.