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Handshake Confusion

The Best Shows You'll Be Missing Because of the DirecTV/Viacom Dispute

By / 07.11.12

It’s official. The threat that Danger wrote about yesterday has come to fruition: Viacom and DirecTV could not settle their contract dispute, so DirecTV customers (of which I am one) have lost a huge part of the reason we own a cable package: Comedy Central. You’ve also lost the following channels: Nickelodeon, MTV, BET, VH1, CMT, Logo, Spike, TV Land, MTV2, VH1 Classic, Palladia, Nick Jr., NickToons, TeenNick, Tr3s, Centric, MTV India. For the most part, that’s no skin off my back — I’m not going to miss “Jersey Shore” or anything, although if I’m paying $120 goddamn dollars a month, I want ALL the channels I’m paying not to watch.

The dispute, as Danger wrote, is over carrying fees. Viacom wants DirecTV to pay 30 percent more for their channels, and DirecTV doesn’t want to pony it up. Both sides are being a$$holes. Eventually, one assumes, someone will cave, otherwise DirecTV customers may opt for another cable provider. The bad news, unfortunately, is that according to THR, the dispute could last for up to a year. Basically for me, that means weighing Comedy Central versus the NFL Sunday package exclusive to DirecTV.

Specifically, however, what shows are all DirecTV customers going to miss the most?

The Daily Show/Colbert Report — Life without “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” during an election season is like summer without the beach. What’s the point of living? Fortunately, both shows ARE available on Comedy Central’s website.

Futurama/South Park — Likewise, both of these shows are available on the website the next day, but you have to suffer through those interminable, annoying web ads that you can’t skip through.

Awkward — The only show on MTV worth watching, but it’s really good, and the second season is just getting started. Fortunately, this show is available online as well. If the dispute isn’t resolved relatively soon, you may also miss Beavis and Butthead.

Spongebab Squarepants/iCarly/Dora — If you have kids of a certain age, you’re screwed. They’ve outgrown PBS shows, and they don’t like Disney. What are you going to do? Stick in a movie? That’s EFFORT. Send them outside? In this heat? YOU MAY HAVE TO TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN. You have my condolences.

The good news is this whole situation is that at least you’re not a Dish costumer, so you will be able to watch “Breaking Bad” on Sunday.


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