[rides up on rollerblades] [is wearing Zubaz and a Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket, and is drinking a Crystal Pepsi]
COWABUNGA, DUDES! I HAVE TOTALLY BODACIOUS TV NEWS!
– The Jim Henson Company and the lunatics behind Yo Gabba Gabba! are teaming up to produce a Fraggle Rock spinoff titled The Doozers. According to the report on The Huffington Post, the Doozers are tiny characters who build the caves on Fraggle Rock out of Doozer sticks, which are made of radish dust. Seems reasonable to me. Also, there’s this: “It’s well-known that Doozers and Fraggles don’t really get along, so that could make for an interesting plot point.” MUPPET WAR!
– Nickelodeon’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reboot will premiere Saturday, September 19, with back-to-back episodes starting at 11 a.m. Here are some important things you need to know about this show: 1) Leonardo is voiced by Jason Biggs from American Pie; 2) Raphael is voiced by Sean Astin from Lord of the Rings; 3) Donatello is voiced by Rob Paulsen, who voiced Raphael in the original cartoon; 4) Nickelodeon describes it as “funnier and with more Ninjutsu than ever before.” To recap: Leonardo is a pief-cker, Raphael is Rudy, Donatello is Raphael, and there are more jokes and fighting. I have absolutely no idea how to feel about this. None.
Take us home, Ice.