The xx - "Angels"
Wisdom Teeth by Don Hertzfeldt

TV Will Turn Your Kids Into Tubby Losers, Says Science

By / 07.17.12

The International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity revealed this week what was obvious to anyone who has seen a chubby kid capable of quoting every line from all six Star Wars movies and make the pop-culture connections in Phineas and Ferb: TV makes you fat. The study followed over 1300 kids starting at the age of two-and-a-half, and found that hours spent in front of the television was directly correlated with an an increase in waist size.

The more time kids spent in front of the TV, the larger their waistlines, the researchers found: each additional hour of weekly TV logged between age 2.5 and 4.5 was linked with an increase of waist size of slightly less than half a millimeter by the time the kids were in grade school. So, a child who watches 18 hours of television at 4.5 years old will have gained an extra 7.6 millimeters (0.3 in.) around his middle by age 10.

But according to the science journal, it does more than make you fat. It makes you a pussy.

“Kids who watch more TV are known to be less involved in physical activity and less inclined to play sports, but we found there is actually a potential risk in decreasing their athletic performance with too much television,” says Fitzpatrick. “This can influence their health as adolescents and adults.”

The study continues to say that preschoolers who watch the most television end up in the bottom five percent in long-jump distance, which of course means the kid is going to be picked last for everything. That, in turn, will give him or her a complex. The complex will lead to insecurity, which will lead to inability to find a mate later in life, which will lead to an unhappy, childless adult, which will lead to a smaller population, and fewer tubby losers.

Evolutionarily speaking, over time, it seems to me that television could actually weed out the weakest. See, the glass is always half full.

(Source: Time Magazine)


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