Louie (FX, 10:30 p.m.) — Prepare to be devastated, then elevated, then confused, then horny, then devastated again, then briefly optimistic, then demoralized, all in a single episode. Louie, Louie, you’re gonna kill us all.
Burn Notice/Suits (USA, 9 p.m./10 p.m.) — Yeah, yeah, sure, but I think it’s ’bout time USA resurrects Strip Poker. Now there was a show an entire country could get behind. Clip below.
3 (CBS, 10 p.m.) — Series premiere. “April, Rachel, and Libby meet for the first time in a luxurious lakeside home in Chicago [Ed. note: if they don't go to Giordano's, what's the point?]; emotions run high as the women meet eligible men from across the country.” Women be emoting. Also: HOW THE F*CK IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT FROM ANY OF THE OTHER 178 SERIES WITH THE SAME EXACT PREMISE?
Wilfred (FX, 10 p.m.) — The promo shows Wilfred pulling down Amanda’s pants, and Wikipedia tells me that the actress who plays Amanda, Allison Mack, was in Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves as Bug Hall’s cousin. Thanks for making a good thing weird, Wikipedia.
Awkward. (MTV, 10:30 p.m.) — Hopefully tonight’s Valentine Day’s episode is better than Newsroom‘s recent Valentine’s Day episode (it’s SO like a guy to forget all about it). It’s not that tough, either; all you need is for “Monster Mash” to play on a continuous loop for 22 minutes.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Joel McHale on Letterman; Colin Farrell and Dwayne Wade on Leno; Jessica Biel and Rick Ross on Kimmel; Emile Hirsch on Ferguson; Bill Cosby, Fred Willard, and No Doubt on Fallon (!); Ben Stiller, Olivia Munn, and Flo Rida on Conan; Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell on Stewart; and Peter Westmacott on Colbert.