“My mom says that any choice I make is OK because I love myself.””Your mom is wrong.”
REMEMBER THAT, everyone. Anyway: I really wanted to use a different image as the banner — I think you know what I’m talking about — but I just couldn’t. It’s lunchtime here on the East Coast, and I wouldn’t want anyone to upchuck their raw meat in a bowl with a side of carbon thinking about Never, who looked like he’d pop if you pricked him with a pin, and the time he “diarrhea-d” in Louie’s tub. Oops. Sorry.
“Barney/Never” may not have been the most revelatory episode this season, but it was certainly the funniest. Everyone worries about dying alone and no one showing up at your funeral because your so-called friends hated you — except for some strippers at Sweet Charity, that is, which is where sleazy comedy club-owner Barney’s cemetery guests, Louie and Bearded Robin Williams, go to. Reread that sentence: dying alone, Sweet Charity, strippers, Bearded Robin Williams, and yet, “Barney/Never” was still effectively hilarious because of some perfect small moments. The awkwardness of hating someone who died. The relief you feel when you find someone else who hated the same guy. Strippers sobbing while a Night Ranger song plays. Two men bonding over the fear of dying unloved and agreeing to attend the other’s funeral. And then we get to Never…I’ll discuss him below. If I spend too long a time on that tub scene, I might have to throw my rug and myself out a window.
- Unlike Britta’s photography, the cemetery scene shot in black and white was good.
- Second best use of “Sister Christian” ever, right after Boogie Nights. I kept waiting to hear poppers going off. Now that I think about it, as much as I enjoyed Bearded Williams’s understated performance, how great would it have been if his character had been played by John C. Reilly? I guess that’s true of any character, actually.
- Sweet Charity doesn’t appear to be a real place. Drats.
- Outside of Williams, there were a ton of other guest stars, including Artie Lange (him telling everyone to flee the toxic chemical site, around a bunch of young kids, was amazing); Gregg “Opie” Hughes as the radio producer; Anthony Cumia and Amy Schumer as Pig and the Hole; and J.B. Smoove as the non-African speaking ditch digger. Even Never — played by Jeremy Shinder; kid has an amazing website — displayed some good comic timing.
- The woman who played Never’s mom, on the other hand, I don’t know what was happening there.
- *SPLAT FART NOISE TOILET FLUSHING* Morning zoo DJs are the worst *AWOOGA HONK SPROING*
- TV Gourmet for raw meat in a bowl? Another question: has anyone babysat for a really awkward kid before?
- Non-poop related Line of the Night: “This dude is being buried in an Ikea shelf.”
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.