Into The Dark Heart Of Guy Fieri Culinary Hell: A Review Of Guy's American Bar And Kitchen

By: 09.13.12

Big Island Punch

The second worst drink that we had. Rob said it was perfect for a “Missouri hausfrau.” It tasted like Triaminic.

French Roast Martini

Kris and I split on this one, he thought they did a good job but I thought it was a bit watery. Also, they sprinkle white chocolate on it for no good reason. I mean, if you’re going to put chocolate in this, why not use actual chocolate? White chocolate is wuss chocolate.

Jimmy Fallon’s Creamsicle

Kris: “If this is what Jimmy Fallon drinks when he goes out no wonder he’s so bad at comedy.” This syrupy sludge was the worst thing that any of us drank.

Sashimi Tacos

Rob didn’t trust raw fish from Guy Fieri, so if Kris and I die of food poisoning you’ll know that these did us in. They’re edible, but when you eat them all that you can think is “why am I eating sashimi in a taco?” Also, take a look at how tiny they are when I hold one in my hand. It’s not like I’m Andre the Giant, and those tacos cost $3 each. For $3 I can get a burrito that’s bigger than my fist at a place near my apartment.

Vegas Fries

Fries in buffalo sauce sound like a good idea but the execution was poor — they came out limp and soggy. Also we barely got any of the wasabi bleu cheese dipping sauce.

Unyawns Cajun Chicken Ciabatta

Shoutout to our waiter for taking it in stride when I laughed as I said this item in my order. But Guy Fieri doesn’t get a shoutout because this is the standard crap you’d get at any Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag. I only ordered it because of the stupid name and because it came with “donkey sauce.” Whatever “donkey sauce” is, it’s bland. Big Mac special sauce is a step up.

Tequila Turkey Fettucine

One of the most ridiculous menu items was the best thing that we had. The turkey was moist and the tequila added depth to the alfredo sauce. Everything in the item worked well together and it was the only clean plate of the night for us.

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