The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Season premiere. WHO’S READY FOR THREE STRAIGHT NIGHTS OF THE VOICE, which as Dustin helpfully pointed out, isn’t The X Factor, which isn’t American Idol? Yeah, me neither. Let’s just watch the music video for “Genie in a Bottle” instead. Christina was really at the peak of her “rolling around in the sand all sexy-like” abilities then. We should have appreciated those days more.
Monday Night Football (ESPN, 7 p.m.) — First, Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens, followed by San Diego Chargers at Oakland Raiders at 10:15 p.m. BORING TALKING ABOUT MY FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM ALERT: if the Raiders can somehow hold King Derp to less than five points, that’d be fantastic.
WWE Monday Night RAW (USA, 8 p.m.) — Just because football’s back doesn’t mean other sports stop existing. For instance, wrestling is still around, as is With Leather’s super-popular live chat. You can continue to pretend baseball isn’t a thing, though.
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel, 9 p.m.) — Tony goes to Sydney where he tries “Australian barbie,” not to be confused with Australian Barbie. For the every girl who enjoys burlap sacks as dresses.
The New Normal (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Series premiere. Usually Ryan Murphy’s shows start strong, before quickly turning into piles of talking crap, with poorly produced songs sung by Jane Lynch as Madonna. It’s refreshing then that The New Normal is bad from the get-go. Sorry, Andrew Rannells, you deserve better.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Lea Michele and the Avett Brothers on Kimmel; Ben Stein on Ferguson; Blake Shelton, Tavi Gevinson, and David Byrne with St. Vincent on Fallon; and Kelsey Grammer on Conan.