How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Season premiere. Rumor has it this might be the final season of How I Met, after hundreds of Star Wars references and thousands of false leads on the identity of “The Mother.” The show’s not as consistently good as it once was, but whatever: as long as Jason Segel’s around and Alyson Hannigan’s having dirty thoughts about Cobie Smulders, I’ll watch. Bob Saget’s voice soothes me.
2 Broke Girls (CBS, 9 p.m.) — Season premiere. I had to watch every episode of this show last season, which is something I no longer have to do, so I can creepily appreciate Kat Dennings with the rest of you dirtbags.
Revolution (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Well, it’s better than What About Brian?
Hawaii Five-0 (CBS, 10 p.m.) — Season premiere. Grandfathers everywhere are PUMPED.
Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.) — Season premiere. Grandmothers and Firefly fans everywhere are PUMPED.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Steve Martin and Gotye on Letterman; David Spade and Giancarlo Esposito on Leno; Julianna Margulies, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and the Killers on Kimmel; Dennis Quaid and Ellie Kemper on Ferguson; and Jordan Peele and Animal Collective on Conan.