Parks and Recreation (NBC, 9:30 p.m.) — Four, which is the same number of women named Six Pak he’s had sex with this week. But seriously, folks, I haven’t been this excited to see a second-in-command on TV since the state aired my wife’s lethal injection live. /rimshot /everyone leaves
30 Rock (NBC, 8 p.m.) — “Aunt Phatso vs. Jack Donaghy.” This might be the greatest episode of TV ever.
Last Resort (ABC, 8 p.m.) — OK, sure, I know I’m supposed to care about Sam and Marcus looking for the stolen nuclear launch key, but, well, Papa Roach. All I can think of is Papa Roach. One might even say that if Sam and Marcus don’t find the key, their lives will cut into pieces.
Crossfire Hurricane (HBO, 9 p.m.) — A documentary by Brett Morgen (The Kid Stays in the Picture) about the Rolling Stones, who are celebrating 50 years together as a band, or one year for every Scorsese movie that uses “Gimme Shelter.” Here’s a helpful guide to lesser-known Stones songs, if you’re interested.
The Office (NBC, 9 p.m.) — Remember when Andy left Erin to go sailing? He’s a monster.
Glee (Fox, 9 p.m.) — “Glease.” The name of tonight’s episode is “Glease,” which is a mash-up of Glee and Grease, the musical the show will pay homage to. “Glease.”
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX, 10 p.m.) — There’s no way this isn’t the final season of Sunny. They’ve been way too self-referential lately for it not to be ending soon (or they’ve been watching a lot of Community), and considering tonight’s episode is called “Charlie’s Mom Cancer,” which sounds a lot like season one’s “Charlie Has Cancer,” expect that trend to continue. And for Mac to fall for a transsexual.
The League (FX, 10:30 p.m.) — “Taco…has a run in with Chicago great Jim McMahon,” who presumably references “The Super Bowl Shuffle” at least six times. Because that’s what happens when you book Jim McMahon: you get “Super Bowl Shuffle” stories, like the time William Perry ate Keith Ortego.
Childrens Hospital (Cartoon Network, 12 a.m.) — Thank god for this episode, “Eulogy,” because otherwise doing a Google search for “childrens hospital eulogy” would be a lot more depressing.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Zooey Deschanel and Donald Fagen on Letterman; Tim Allen, Nolan Gould, and Switchfoot on Leno; Mel Brooks on Kimmel; Max Greenfield and Lucy Punch on Ferguson; Katie Holmes and Russell Peters on Fallon; Kellan Lutz and Jeff the Brotherhood on Conan; Andrew Napolitano on Stewart; and Chris Stringer on Colbert.