Miss Universe Pageant (NBC, 8 p.m.) — For those who haven’t discovered The Internet and/or teenage boys who like to feel sexually uncomfortable in front of their parents. America is represented in this year’s pageant by the lovely lady you see above, Olivia Culpo, who won Miss USA 2012 earlier in June. The full lineup can be found here, but my money’s on Miss Estonia. I’d like to attend her song festival. (Note: I know nothing about Estonia, other than what I read on some random Estonian stereotypes website. Good stuff.)
A Home for the Holidays with Rascal Flatts (CBS, 8 p.m.) — For homeless children only.
The X Factor (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Part one of the season finale. Apparently, human beings named “teen sensation Carly Rose Sonenclar, country crooner Tate Stevens, and girl group Fifth Harmony” are competing to become the latest Y’Know The Group That Won That Reality Singing Show Series a Few Years Ago, joining the likes of Pretty Woman With the Hair and Dude Who Gained A Lot of Weight.
40 Greatest Hip Hop Songs of the ’90s (VH1, 9 p.m.) — This special is airing again, so I’d like to, once again, complain about Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison” topping the chart. (Sorry, Turk.) Still better than Rolling Stone‘s all-time list, however. Like my grandma always say, “No Pharcyde and Gang Starr, no me likey.”
The Soup (E!, 10 p.m.) — While the rest of tonight’s original TV programming is barren and cold, here’s The Soup, ready to warm us like a nice bowl of oatmeal.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Seth Rogen on Letterman; Jamie Foxx and Carl Reiner on Leno; Judd Apatow on Ferguson; Ed Burns, Victor Cruz, and Backstreet Boys on Fallon; and Kyle Kinane on Conan.