30 Rock (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Series finale. Yeah. To “celebrate,” I’m planning on making a 30 Rock-themed dinner, because I need to finally use the stale muffin tops I have left over from my final episode of Heavy party. Cheesy Blasters will obviously be involved, but what else should I/we, the Internet make?
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.) — This is the first new episode in three weeks. Couldn’t have waited one more? CBS = 30 Rock-hating monsters.
Funniest Animal Commercials Of The Year (TruTV, 8 p.m.) — Gonna guess not the one with the talking pig.
The Office (NBC, 9 p.m.) — Two new episodes of The Office, both of which may involve Pam’s possible emotional (or otherwise) indiscretions with a certain camera crew member, but definitely revolve around Dwight looking for a replacement for Jim and someone defacing Pam’s mural. What if it turns out Boom Mic Brian was sleeping not with Pam, but Jim this entire time? That would be a great series finale.
Do No Harm (NBC, 10:01 p.m.) — Series premiere. Do No Harm, about a neurosurgeon who turns into his evil personalty at exactly 8:25 p.m. every night, is like a modern-day Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, except instead of intrigue and good characters, it has not that and Steven Pasquale.
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.) — “During his suspension from the NYPD, Sherlock investigates a hit-and-run accident involving a conspiracy theorist.” I bet Big Car’s in on IT, and that IT goes straight to the top.
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.) — All Krieger, all the time, especially when cyborgs are involved.
Suits (USA, 10 p.m.) — Episode title: “Zane vs. Zane.” Billy Zane is going through some things, guys.
Legit (FX, 10:30 p.m.) — Remember when DJ Qualls was on Breaking Bad? That was weird.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Al Pacino on Letterman; Piers Morgan and Quvenzhane Wallis on Leno; Jennifer Lawrence, Katie Couric, and Tegan & Sara on Kimmel; Rashida Jones on Ferguson; C-Tates, Megan Hilty, and Graham Parker on Fallon; “Occupy Conan” on Conan; Jason Bateman on Stewart; and Matthew Guerrieri on Colbert.