Hawaii Five-0 (CBS, 10 p.m.) — Here’s the deal: CBS is allowing viewers to chose the ending of tonight’s episode through CBS.com and Twitter. BUT you have to pick from one of three suspects, which is a total bummer. We should be able to tweet whatever we want. Danger had a pretty solid suggestion, though he left the part of the synopsis where 23 naked mermaids play Metallica songs on flaming guitars off. Make it happen, CBS.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — “Robin insists that Barney ask her dad for permission to marry her.” Her dad is played by Ray Wise, best known for playing a murderer who suffers from mental breakdowns, a henchman in RoboCop, and the Devil. AND I THOUGHT MY WEDDING PLANNING WAS TOUGH.
Bunheads (ABC Family, 8 p.m.) — The episode is called “Channing Tatum Is a Fine Actor.” I believe you’re missing a “damn,” a “brilliant,” and 17 exclamation points in there, Amy Sherman-Palladino.
The Carrie Diaries (The CW, 9 p.m.) — Series premiere. A prequel to Sex and the City that documents Carrie Bradshaw’s high school in the 1980s, or her “important years” when she gets really into Sonic Youth and Rites of Spring before moving to New York and becoming a terrible person.
The Layover with Anthony Bourdain (Travel Channel, 9 p.m.) — Tony travels to Atlanta, the home of the Falcons, who I hope lose Sunday, though not as much as I did before I saw Jacquizz Rodgers’s fantastic shirt.
Fashion Police (E!, 9 p.m.) — Relive your FAVORITE Golden Globes Twitter jokes from last night, regurgitated out by Ozzy Osbourne’s daughter and Giuliana Rancic, who’s 650 years old, but a damn fine 650 years old.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Charlie Sheen and Phil Simms on Letterman; Nicki Minaj and Billy Connolly on Leno; Ellen DeGeneres on Kimmel; Jenna Elfman and Guillermo del Toro on Ferguson; Uma Thurman and Tim Gunn on Fallon; Christoph Waltz, Dennis Quaid, and Rob Riggle on Conan; Roger Waters on Stewart; and Piers Morgan on Colbert.
I want more like this!
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