Okay, here’s what happened.
So Mardi Gras was this week and a bunch of booze-saturated bro tourists took to the streets of New Orleans and were all “OMG SHOW ME YOUR TITS OMG” and then a bunch of booze-satured lady tourists were like “Um… beads?” and the bros were all “You know it” so the girls were like “Okay WWWOOOOOO” and the bros were all “YEEEAAAAHHH TITS” and then everyone woke up the next morning coated in sticky fruity drinks, bile, and regret. But then one of the bros looked at his tape and was like “Bros. BROS. That chick looks like Deena from Jersey Shore” and his bros were all “Yeah, son. SLUTS” and then the original bro was like “beepbeepboopbeep Hello yes is this TMZ? I have potentially famous boobs for sale” and TMZ was all “Well we will obviously cover this like it’s the damn Cuban Missile Crisis, so pass it along.”
Then TMZ was like “OMG WAS DEENA FROM JERSEY SHORE FLASHING HER EPIC BEST BOOBS DURING MARDI GRAS QUESTIONMARKQUESTIONMARKQUESTIONMARK” and Deena from Jersey Shore heard and she was all “Um, nope. I was in New Jersey and a simple phone call would have confirmed it, you dipsh-ts. That’s someone else” and the girl who is attached to the boobs was like “Yup, I am not Deena from Jersey Shore. Not even a little” and so TMZ was all “UPDATE EXCLUSIVE NOT DEENA’S BOOBS STAY TUNED TO TMZ FOR MORE ON THIS BREAKING STORY” and then Edward R. Murrow leaped from his grave armed to the teeth and started murdering every person he saw while screaming “HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? YOU ARE ALL TO BLAME” and now we’re all dead.