20 Things We’ll Never Know If One Of The Funniest Shows On TV, ‘Happy Endings,’ Isn’t Saved

It sneaked up on me, too, but some time after 30 Rock went to the great Blue Dude in the sky, I realized Happy Endings has a better joke-to-laugh ratio than any other show on TV. It’s more consistent than Community and South Park, less preoccupied with characterization and action sequences than Parks and Recreation and Archer, and literally more on than Veep and Louie. So of course it’s probably going to be cancelled in a few months.

As previously discussed, Happy Endings, which returns this Friday after a too-long break, needs your help for any chance of a surprise fourth season renewal. Watch it, tweet about it, mail letters to your parents advising them to DVR it, do whatever you got to do so our lives won’t be deprived of Elisha Cuthbert. But why does it deserve to be saved, you might be asking yourself? Well, shut your whore mouth, Hypothetical Person, and read this.


1. This year’s Halloween costume.

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2. If my “Alex Eating Food” Tumblr would be as popular as I think it could be.

3. When TV’s best couple…

…will finally make a bab—

OK, OK, no baby.

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4. If Dave and Penny will get together, as they should…

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5. …so that I can be with Alex.

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6. When Mark-Paul Gosselaar will return to ruin Max’s life.

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7. Dave’s follow-up to the Steak-Tanic.

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8. How many more subtle vulgarities the show can get away with.

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9. The plot of the inevitable Happy Endings/New Girl crossover.

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10. The identity of the opening credits butt model.

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11. What Hip Hop Santa has in store for Christmas 2013.

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12. If this is actually what Max and Brad’s baby would look like.

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13. Jane’s next TV obsession.

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14. If anyone will ever visit Alex’s shop.

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15. What other “games” Brad and Jane play.

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16. Whether Max will make it to 50.

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17. The rest of Alex’s movie collection.

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18. DID BRAD AND JANE EAT THE TEACUP PIG?!?

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19. The next Penny Hartz dance.

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20. If Max moves to L.A. to star in the spinoff, Fat Joey.

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