I don’t know if you guys are aware of this — and honestly, I kind of hope you aren’t — but Farrah Abraham from MTV’s Teen Mom is currently involved in the stupidest and most transparently manufactured sex tape “scandal” of all-time. Vince discussed some of the story’s bizarre twists and turns over at Filmdrunk yesterday, but since this is technically a television story and I would therefore be derelict in my duties if I didn’t bring it to your attention, I figured I should mention it over here, too.
But you probably have some questions. Please, fire away.
Who in the fancy hell is Farrah Abraham?
Excellent first question. Farrah Abraham is one of the stars of MTV’s Teen Mom. Beyond that, no clue. Here’s what Wikipedia has to say:
An aspiring model, Farrah Abraham is the mother of Sophia Laurent Abraham, whose father, Derek Underwood, was killed in a car accident on December 28, 2008, two months before her birth. In January 2010, Farrah’s mother, Debra Danielson, was charged with assault in an Iowa court for hitting her. As a result of the fight with her mother, Farrah and Sophia move into an apartment. They talk of moving into her mother’s rental house across the street. She sees a therapist to discuss the rocky relationship with her family, as well as dealing with her emotions regarding Underwood and his death. Farrah eventually proves to Derek’s family through a paternity test that Derek was in fact Sophia’s father, and then is faced with a lawsuit filed by Derek’s mother for grandparents’ visitation rights, despite no previous contact with Sophia. She published her autobiography, My Teenage Dream Ended in August 2012.
So, there’s that.
Jesus Christ. Her whole life sounds like a super-depressing country song.
And you say now someone leaked a sex tape of her?
Not exactly. I said she’s involved in a sex tape scandal.
What’s the difference?
Well, first of all, you really can’t just “leak” a sex tape. I mean, you can if you want to upload it onto some shady tube site and eventually get arrested, but celebrity sex tapes that get official releases (Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, etc.) require permission and verification that all parties were 18 when it was filmed.
So, what, did someone hack into her computer and now she’s trying to make lemons out of lemonade?
Is she trying to shop a tape of her with some random guy to get some publicity?
What do you mean, “close”?
Guess who her partner is on the tape.
No, really. Guess.
I give up.
James Deen, the male porn star and sometimes non-porn actor who starred with Lindsay Lohan in The Canyons.
Hang on. She made an amateur sex tape with a actual porn star?
Yup. And it gets even more ridiculous. According to Deen, they shot the whole thing professionally for Vivid, in a shoot he described as “amazingly awesome.”
So she’s just doing porn now?
Essentially. Sort of. That’s pretty much what all these tapes are, but the other ones do a much better job of shielding their stars under the veil of “Noooo, you guys. Don’t release it. Seriously.” And after Deen more or less blew her cover in very public fashion (and refused to cooperate with the narrative that they were “dating” by saying “I’m not a prostitute”), Abraham fired back by having her lawyers send a cease and desist letter to Vivid to stop the tape, and saying Deen has a small penis.
Wait a second. Waaaaaaaaaait a second. Lemme see if I got this straight.
Sure, go ahead.
This girl, and whatever dingus parade is currently serving as her management, tried to get more publicity by releasing a sex tape, despite the fact that she is mostly known for being the mother of a small child and people would have probably had a heart attack about it in the best case scenario, and instead of setting it up with some fellow fame-hungry celebrity like Ray-J who would have happily played along, cashed the check, and starred in the subsequent VH1 reality show, they hired a professional adult actor and filmed it with a professional adult studio, and then when said professional adult actor revealed all that, she lashed out and said he — again, a professional adult actor whose fully naked body is easily located on the Internet — had a small penis?
I’d say that about sums it up.
This whole thing just makes me sad.