There was no way Game of Thrones was going to top last week’s monumentally bloody “The Rains of Castamere,” and wisely, “Mhysa” didn’t even try. Instead, we got a fairly satisfying reminder that oh yeah, this character? He’s in a bad spot. And her? You best believe things aren’t looking good for her, too. It was a finale that checked in with everyone, and without adding too much information, set up new developments on old stories, like Jaime returning home as a broken man and Dany continuing on with another army in tow. Also, family is apparently very important.
It was not Game of Thrones‘ finest hour, nor was it their weakest — it was a necessary next step after the events of Red Wedding, which has ramifications of all over Westeros, from the leech-ridden halls of Dragonstone to King’s Landing, where Joffrey is as happy about what transpired as Sansa is miserable. It was also an extremely dark episode. The show always takes, well, I’m not sure if the right word is “pleasure,” but it enjoys exploring the darkness of the world, where the terrors roam free, and “Mhysa,” despite its hopeful finale scene, was a cruel reminder that anyone who thinks they’re happy is just biding their time until they’re miserable again. Today, for the final GIF of Thrones until next year (talk about depressing things), I’ve ranked 15 or so characters by how f*cked they are in their current predicament. The lower the number, the worse things seem. Valar Morghulis.
15. Hodor (Via)
Give Hodor a well, he’ll keep on Hodorin’ in the free world for hours.
14. Daenerys Targaryen (Via)
So, Dany’s Jesus now. Hope that’s cool with everyone, especially the “exotic” folk, who are in OBVIOUS need of saving from a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, skinny white girl. Between her army growing by the thousands each day, three dragons, two distrustful sidekicks, one loyal translator, and love of crowdsurfing, Dany’s trudging ever onward, to take her rightful place on the Iron Throne. Until then, though, it’s going to be a slow ride. Honestly, I’m a little surprised “Mhysa” ended with Dany outside of Yunkai — partially because she already had the final shot of a season, back in “Fire and Blood,” but also, after nearly 70 minutes, I had forgotten about her. Yet, more than any other character on Game of Thrones, Dany is used as a rare source of bright light in an otherwise dark landscape, and we’re really meant to back her cause, especially with the Starks out of the picture. And hey, if she becomes the king/queen/whatever and it doesn’t work, don’t blame me, I voted for Hot Pie.
13. Samwell Tarly (Via)
He’s got the girl (without having the girl), he’s got a baby named after him, he’s figured out how to kill the White Walkers, AND he’s put down his sword for an inky quill. Everything’s coming up Tarly. The same can’t be said for Maester Aemon, who looks like John Lithgow, if he were an old onion. Speaking of:
12. Ser Davos Seaworth (Via)
Just in case you didn’t pick up what was going on here. (Team Davos’s Voice.) Now’s also as good a time as any for the final Attractive Women of Game of Thrones Power Rankings of the season: 5) Melisandre, 4) Theon’s Mystery Wenches, 3) Ygritte, 2) Daenerys Targaryen, and 1) Margaery Tyrell, who was disappointingly absent in the final two episodes. Too busy trying on ice cream cone dresses, I suppose.
11. Jon Snow/Ygritte (Via)
HAHAHAHA. I loved season three, but I would have enjoyed it that much more if every episode contained at least one scene where someone shoots arrows at Jon Snow. Not one arrow, mind you, but ARROWS. Despite their near-matching outfits, Ygritte deserves so much better than He Who Pouts, and Rose Leslie’s performance was as masterful as ever. She loves him, so she can’t kill him, but she also can’t NOT plug him with arrows; she chooses her spots carefully, making sure that he feels just as much pain as she does when riding home. Jon’s Beyond the Wall adventures end with him right back where he came, among his brothers in the Night’s Watch. The future doesn’t look as promising for Ygritte, but as long as she keeps telling people what they don’t know, she’ll be fine.