Franklin & Bash (TNT, 9:00 p.m.) – Season premiere. Here are some things that happen during tonight’s back-to-back episodes: A “legal hotshot” played by Heather Locklear embarrasses Franklin and Bash on Piers Morgan’s show, so their boss hires her to help him run the firm; Franklin and Bash defend a magician; and everyone moves into a beach house. There is no one on Earth who cares about this show more than I do. No one. I’d be surprised if it’s even close.
Futurama (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.) – An hour-long episode of Futurama that features the Professor joining a street-racing gang? You … you have my attention.
The Soup Investigates (E!, 10:30 p.m.) – This is a new, spinoff-y version of The Soup (still hosted by Joel McHale) that will “delve deeper into the Hollywood vortex to examine pop culture mysteries, celebrity rumors and the shocking questions that entertainment fans never thought to ask … and probably shouldn’t have.” Maybe they’ll look into my Pete Campbell bear attack theory.
Royal Pains/Necessary Roughness (USA, 9 p.m.) – I watched Necessary Roughness over the weekend. John Stamos hasn’t aged since 1996. He is a wizard. We should kidnap him and keep in a top-secret underground facility until he teaches us all of his spells.
RoboCop (BBC, 8:00 p.m.) – Why not, right?
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jeff Daniel and Ken Jeong on Letterman; Rosie Perez on Ferguson; David Gregory and the winner of The Voice on Leno; Kevin Hart and Olivia Munn on Fallon; The Postal Service on Colbert; and Steven Yeun and Darius Rucker on a repeat of Conan.