The Colbert Report (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) – Paul McCartney appears on this special hour-long episode. Wanna have some fun? Try to convince someone that you’ve never heard of the Beatles. You need to be young and very willing to commit to a bit to pull it off, but I imagine the other person’s increasing level of frustration would be delicious.
Royal Pains/Necessary Roughness (USA, 9-11 p.m.) – Season premieres. I said almost all I have to say about USA original programming in this post, but I did forget to add that the main character’s brother on Royal Pains drives me INSANE. I apologize for the omission.
Guys’ Choice Awards (Spike, 9 p.m.) – “What happens when a bunch of bros get together to hand out awards? MANSWERS! [busty woman walks out of swimming pool] [swimming pool bursts into flames] [busty demon walks out of flaming pool holding two guitars and hands one to the first girl] [both shred]”
Outrageous Acts of Science (Discovery, 8 p.m.) – Tonight’s episode is titled “Epic Stunts,” and there’s no summary of it on TV Guide or my cable guide. I’m in.
Pasión Prohibida (Telemundo, 8 p.m.) – I just plugged the description of this show into an online translator and it spit out “The story of an intense and forbidden love in which a woman becomes the victim of her own revenge.” QUICK, SOMEBODY TEACH ME SPANISH!
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Tom Brokaw and Darlene Love are on Letterman; Valeri Bertinelli and Adam Ray are on Ferguson; Kevin Hart and Jeremy Scahill are on Leno; Chris Christie, Jennette McCurdy, and Mario Batali are on Fallon; and Nathan Fillion and Bret Michaels are on Conan.
Photo credit: Shutterstock/Mary A Lupo