Discovery Channel announced earlier today that
former FBI agent turned criminal street racer turned national security consultant street racer Brian O’Conner actor Paul Walker will appear in a new show during the network’s upcoming Shark Week extravaganza. The Hollywood Reporter has the details:
The Fast & Furious actor — who studied Marine Biology in college — has joined the cable network’s Shark Week, appearing in the Aug. 6 special Spawn of Jaws. [...]
Using state of the art tracking technology, they will search for the elusive Great White breeding grounds, in hopes to protect the area and repopulate their numbers. Where Great White sharks give birth has yet to be seen by mankind, photographed or caught on film.
Wait … but “repopulate” means more. Dammit, Paul Walker. Here I was all excited to pop off some rambling, 800-word fan fiction about you and Vin Diesel in an underwater Fast & Furious sequel where the villain lives in a deep sea lair and Ludacris shouts out warnings like “Uh, guys … they got A SUBMARINE” from atop a speeding jet ski, but now I’m just angry. Why in the name Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson would anyone want more Great White sharks? Did you not watch Sharknado? There are plenty of them. You’re lucky I like you, pal. This is the type of stunt that would put Scott Caan on my sh*t list forever.