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Here’s The ISIS Mission Success Rate On ‘Archer’ As Formulated By The Internet

By / 09.17.13

One of the many, many running themes that makes FX’s Archer so great is ISIS being a second tier spy shop. It’s the sort of reputation you develop when your lead agent is an womanizing shoot first alcoholic, your scientist organizes bum shock fights, and your head of HR popularized the Green Russian.

But not all is lost when ISIS takes on a mission. As I’ve noted a few times in our recaps, Sterling Archer redeems himself Michael Scott style just often enough that you have to at least kinda/sorta take him seriously as one of the world’s top secret agents. Turns out just about all Archer fans are intrigued by this notion as well. The obsessives over on r/ArcherFX got to discussing the success ratings of ISIS missions throughout the series and one fan in particular came up with this full episode breakdown and gained my eternal respect in the process.

Season 1:

Mole Hunt: Success (they found and killed the mole)
Training Day: No mission
Diversity Hire: Success (recovered the whisper drive)
Killing Utne: Fail (they let Utne be murdered, no UN contract)
Honeypot: Success (sex tape was destroyed)
Skorpio: Success (basically everyone on the boat dies, I think the bounty was dead or alive)
Skytanic: Success (airship kept safe from the bomb)
The Rock: Fail (Odin gets security contract, and they don’t steal the diamond afterwards)
Job Offer: Fail (Odin got the guy)
Dial M for Mother: No mission (I think)

Season 2:

Swiss Miss: Success (Countess Von Fingerbang is kept alive)
A Going Concern: No mission
Blood Test: Success (Archer switches the blood)
Pipeline Fever: Success (Pipeline kept safe)
The Double Deuce: No mission
Tragical History: Success (ISIS cover list secured)
Movie Star: Draw? (that assassination at the end was carried out but not by ISIS)
Stage Two: No mission
Placebo Effect: Success (ringleader of counterfeit chemo drugs killed)
El Secuestro: Success (kidnappers killed, Cheryl kept safe)
Jeu Monégasque: Success (401k’s secured, secondary sex tape retrieved)
White Nights: Fail (I can only assume the original mission was completely abandoned)
Double Trouble: No mission

Season 3:

Heart of Archness trilogy: Success (Archer located and brought back to ISIS)
The Man From Jupiter: Success (Cuban hit squad neutralized)
El Contador: Draw (Roman Calzado captured, but no receipt)
The Limited: Success (terrorist transported to Canada, Mountie impersonators apprehended)
Drift Problem: No mission
Lo Scandalo: No mission
Bloody Ferlin: No mission
Crossing Over: Fail (Nikolai Jakov killed)
Skin Game: No mission
Space Race 2-parter: Success (original takeover of the space station, then escape and neutralization of the actual mutineers)

Season 4:

Fugue and Riffs: Success (Archer located and un-amnesia’d)
The Wind Cries Mary: Success (Odin betrayer located and killed)
Legs: No mission
Midnight Ron: No mission
Viscous Coupling: No mission
Once Bitten: Fail They used the money to cure Archer from snake poisoning
Live and Let Dine: Fail (Albanian ambassador assassinated)
Coyote Lovely: Success? (not really sure about this one)
The Honeymooners: Success (North Korean agents killed)
Un Chien Tangerine: Success (Kazak’s collar secured)
The Papal Chase: Success (Pope saved)
Sea Tunt 2-parter: Success (missile strike averted)

This calculates to a 77% success rate based on 23 successful missions and seven fails. And yes, there’s some debate on what qualifies for an actual mission, but “ISIS-sanctioned” is what they’re going for.

Conclusion: ISIS is the Todd the Meth Cook of spy organizations.

Via r/ArcherFX


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